Back in the hair game

My MRI results came in the mail last weekend.  I made Dave open it up.  It was fine!  I actually still haven’t even looked at it.

A lot of my joint pain has been considerably reduced.  Is it because of the acupuncture?  Is is because my body finally got rid of all the chemo toxins?  I will never know.

I can tell my body is still healing.  I am very exhausted by 7pm each night.  I still crawl into bed every night -after my 20 minutes of yoga- around 8:00.  Most of my residual joint pain happens by this time of the day and throughout the night.  And it’s mostly just in my hands and feet now.

On Wednesday evening I got my first hair cut and color.  My hair stylist gave me a free hair cut.  I didn’t have a lot to work with, but he worked his magic.  I anticipated getting the hair cut and continuing to wear my head scarves.  I forced myself to post a picture of my hair on Facebook.  Of course, everyone had lots of nice and supportive things to say about it.  I used all that support to gain the courage to go to school the next day without a scarf.  I felt completely naked.  I have been wearing a wig or scarf on my head for the past 11 months.  The scarves have become my security blanket.  They hide the ugly results of chemo.    I had a colleague who would joke about me playing the “cancer card”, but the scarves were something different.  I was never looking for an excuse or pity.  The scarves were evidence of what I had been through.  What I was still working through.  They were a symbol for people to be lenient and gentle with me.  That I was not the whole person that I used to be or that I wanted to be.

So, my hair is ridiculously short.  I do hate it. I want my old hair back, but I have a long wait ahead of me.  Until then, this is going to be my new normal.  I am on the other side of cancer now.  Crawling slowly back to the way things used to be.  There is still so much patience needed.  I’ve come a long way, baby!  A year ago, I had just had the mastectomy and was on a million drugs, with drainage tubes coming out of my body, and having to sit up in a chair all night long.  Not a great memory.  But it is finally in the rear-view mirror.