I have struggled over a year with my mind. I cannot explain it any other way than to say it has felt the way I envision ADHD mixed with anxiety would feel like. My brain was buzzing all the time. For real - it felt like it was buzzing. I had trouble remembering things, socializing, listening, planning, communicating, staying calm, understanding things. Chemo definitely made it all a thousand times worse. It has been only recently that I finally feel my brain calming down. My thinking is more collected and not jumping all over the place. I still have a few spots that are difficult for me. The two big ones are 1) recalling words (super frustrating!) and 2) remembering people’s names (super embarassing!). It even happens with people I see all the time. I will be able to recall a first or last name, but not both. I will also see someone that I know I should know, but I cannot place them! But, for the most part, my mind has recovered. And it is QUIET. And it is such a relief.
I’ve been working on my brain - listening to audio books in the car and reading a little every night. It is helping.
I’m starting to think a lot about my upcoming surgery in February. I want to get put back together, but i just don’t want to go through the recovery again. I still do not know exactly what I want done. I have decisions to make. I have my pre-op appointment in January. I will iron things out at that appointment and hopefully get my expectations set.
But, for now.....it has been fun preparing for the holidays. I did the bare minimum last year. I don’t remember much of it. It’s nice being back on track. :)
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