Fight or Flight

I went to the chiropractor today.  It's been a full year since I've been there.....'cause I've kinda been busy this past year.  I want to do everything I can to try to get rid of this joint pain.  I am also in the process of finding an accupuncuturist who has weekend hours.

My chiropractor, Dr. Amy, had some really good insights for me.  She talked about my sympathetic and parasympathetic systems.  Your sympathetic system is your "fight or flight" response system.  She says that with my surgery and chemo, it put my body into fight or flight.  Your body should only be in the this response for seconds at a time.....in emergencies.  Chemo attacks your body so severely that it puts you in it for unhealthy amounts of time.  When your body is in fight or flight - it goes into emergency mode and doesn't do the normal things well, such as digest your food, sleep, think, etc.  I had been pushing through chemo, trying to keep a smile on my face and trying to continue with life as is.  I didn't want to use the "cancer card" or "chemo card" and bail on things.   Turns out that it is impossible.  I have been struggling with the last chemo session pretty badly since May/June.  In the middle of that struggle, I was finishing up the school year, packing the house, and moving.  I was making a lot of mistakes with my thinking.  I was quick to react to things, without thinking.  My responses to things were highly impulsive.  I was argumentive and defensive. After today's visit and conversation, this is all making sense.  Even now, I struggle deeply in social situations.  There is definitely a bit (a lot) of insecurity because of my looks right now. But, beyond that, I get super anxious in social situations with groups of people. I have a harder time following the conversations and the joking.  I constantly feel like I'm missing something.  I blurt things out impulsively, because I feel I don't have time to think (and screen) things. It's an overwhelming feeling.  I was trying to explain it to a friend recently and I couldn't express it correctly.  Now, thinking in terms of fight or flight - it all makes sense.  It also makes sense that my heart rate has been going off the charts for the last 3 months.

I got a nice adjustment today, but more importantly, I got some much-needed advice on how to gain my SELF back.  She recommends 1) sleep - good and long sleep (like 8-11 hours a night) to help repair my damage. 2) Meditation - I am going to start some "yoga nigra" tonight and try to incorporate some mindful breathing into my day.  3) Joyful movement - not exercise (cardio is fight or flight), but moving my body with things that make me happy, like taking walks, etc.  She recommended the book "Goddesses Never Age" by Christian Northrop, MD.  I'm getting it at the library this weekend.   I will also go back for adjustments every week or two for a bit.

I finally feel like I have a good start on my path to wellness.