I get about 6 good days leading up to chemo.......and then the treatment puts me into a huge slump. That's where I am now. I'm exhausted and coughing so badly that I cannot go to work. Laying here on the couch, looking at all the things I wish I could get done. I called the oncologist. They believe that I'm coughing because they give me a huge load of steroids on chemo day and I'm basically in withdrawal? She is calling my primary to see if they can put me on steroids.....which I kind of don't want.....but I also don't want this severe cough.
Decisions - I have one more treatment of the A-C chemo regiment. Then, I am supposed to have 4 treatments of Taxol. I think it's Taxol - I'll tell you, this "chemo brain" thing is real. I am having a lot of issues recalling words, typing correctly, and remembering things. Kind of scary. Anyway, during my last visit, the oncologist and three nurses put some huge fears into me about this next round of treatment. One of the biggest side effects is neuropathy - which is weakness, numbness, and pain from nerve damage which will occur in my fingers and feet. Taking the short term, high doses of Taxol will bring on these side effects and it can cause permanent damage. One lady they are treating right now cannot walk due to her neuropathy!! They are really steering me into taking the Taxol in 12 weekly doses, which will elongate my treatment by 1 more month. The upside is that the side effects shouldn't be as bad and I shouldn't need the Neulasta injection during it. I am highly considering doing it in the 12 doses now. See? I told you I would change my mind when I was in the bowels of hell this week!
I would really like to avoid this bi-weekly slump. It is getting worse and worse as I go along. I hate missing work. I have so much I want to do in the gardens and yard. The boys are turning 5 in a few weeks and I would really love to have a birthday party for them. And, also on the horizon is the fact that we did end up putting a purchase offer in on that house in Brighton. Exciting times. We've had a couple go arounds with counter offers and put in our final offer last night. Not sure what will happen, but if we were to get the house, we'd be closing on August 1st. What a way to ring in the end of chemo! Stay tuned for the results on that one......
Monday, April 24, 2017
Thursday, April 20, 2017
Chemo #3
Chemo #3 is in the bag. Now that I've been through 2 complete cycles, it is good to know my pattern of when I'll feel good, bad, and ugly throughout. I felt pretty decent, with only mild nausea on the day of the chemo. Usually my next day (today) is the best - but I was a bit nauseous all day. Bummer. Not following the pattern.
I had a substitute oncologist this time. I told him about the pink eye and my terrible allergies. He explained that I probably didn't have pink eye. All rapidly growing cells in my body are being killed by the chemo: hair cells, gut cells, and tear duct cells. So, my eyes water all the time, my nose is working over time on making clear snot, and my gut is killing me with all kinds of issues. None of them fun.
He also told me I'm taking a harsh treatment. At first he said he wasn't sure if he would have gone that route, but in the end praised me for doing it and sticking with it. He encouraged me to get excercise. Right. I think working and having two 4 year olds is getting me enough exercise. He also encourages me to take the last round of chemo in 12 weeks rather than 4 weeks. That would add another month of treatment. He believes it would reduce my treatment symptoms by 25%. I just want this over and I am leaning toward just doing it the harsh way for 4 times, rather than the 12. I say this on my "good" day, maybe I'll have a different thought as I progress through this next hellish week.
My weight is down about 8 pounds total. The week after chemo is hard for me to eat. I have no appetite. I can't smell and everything tastes just terrible. I have terrible heartburn. I force myself to drink protein shakes when I can't eat a meal. Looking at Pinterest recipes isn't even fun anymore. That's a sad day when looking at Pinterest doesn't make me happy.
At school, they have hired a sub who is able to cover me any day I can't come in or if I have to leave half day. This brought me so much relief! I'm in the middle of training her. This takes huge pressure off me and really allows me to take days without worrying. I feel very supported at work, that's for sure!
And to make things just a tad crazier, Dave and I found a house in Brighton that we both actually like. Perhaps making a purchase offer. I love the house!! But, I'm so beat down with sickness, that I'm willing to think if it's meant to be, it will be. And if not, that's fine too. But it is the first house that we both have liked - and it seems kind of perfect. We'll see.
Tomorrow is the Neulasta injection. That is worse than the chemo. It's the most painful shot and brings with it all the painful symptoms: migraine, bone pain, runny eyes and nose.....ugh.
But, if I stay to course - only 5 more treatments left!!!!
I had a substitute oncologist this time. I told him about the pink eye and my terrible allergies. He explained that I probably didn't have pink eye. All rapidly growing cells in my body are being killed by the chemo: hair cells, gut cells, and tear duct cells. So, my eyes water all the time, my nose is working over time on making clear snot, and my gut is killing me with all kinds of issues. None of them fun.
He also told me I'm taking a harsh treatment. At first he said he wasn't sure if he would have gone that route, but in the end praised me for doing it and sticking with it. He encouraged me to get excercise. Right. I think working and having two 4 year olds is getting me enough exercise. He also encourages me to take the last round of chemo in 12 weeks rather than 4 weeks. That would add another month of treatment. He believes it would reduce my treatment symptoms by 25%. I just want this over and I am leaning toward just doing it the harsh way for 4 times, rather than the 12. I say this on my "good" day, maybe I'll have a different thought as I progress through this next hellish week.
My weight is down about 8 pounds total. The week after chemo is hard for me to eat. I have no appetite. I can't smell and everything tastes just terrible. I have terrible heartburn. I force myself to drink protein shakes when I can't eat a meal. Looking at Pinterest recipes isn't even fun anymore. That's a sad day when looking at Pinterest doesn't make me happy.
At school, they have hired a sub who is able to cover me any day I can't come in or if I have to leave half day. This brought me so much relief! I'm in the middle of training her. This takes huge pressure off me and really allows me to take days without worrying. I feel very supported at work, that's for sure!
And to make things just a tad crazier, Dave and I found a house in Brighton that we both actually like. Perhaps making a purchase offer. I love the house!! But, I'm so beat down with sickness, that I'm willing to think if it's meant to be, it will be. And if not, that's fine too. But it is the first house that we both have liked - and it seems kind of perfect. We'll see.
Tomorrow is the Neulasta injection. That is worse than the chemo. It's the most painful shot and brings with it all the painful symptoms: migraine, bone pain, runny eyes and nose.....ugh.
But, if I stay to course - only 5 more treatments left!!!!
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
Plastic surgeon
I had an appointment with the plastic surgeon today. I am not allowed to have any more surgeries while I am doing chemo and until my white blood cell count returns to normal. That is usually 4-6 weeks after chemo ends. So, my hopes of getting this last surgery done over the summer just vanished.
It also means that I have to have this port through the summer. I can have it taken out as an "office procedure", but the doctor told me if that freaks me out - and it DOES - that she can do it during my upcoming surgeries.
I have to have a lot of cosmetic stuff done. It's certainly not a priority for me right now. I haven't looked at myself in a mirror in many months now. I have to have my breast sizes equaled out, add a nipple, and fix the area on my stomach from the transplant. He was hesitant to talk about how that would all get accomplished. He says that most people gain weight on chemo, so I would want my weight to be back to normal before he proceeds. So, at this point, if I can keep on the chemo schedule and finish by the end of June, I can schedule an appointment with the plastic surgeon maybe during August. The surgery would then take 2-3 months to schedule. I was hoping this stuff would be done before the start of a new work year. Nope. But, this surgery sounds like it won't be a long absence and I'll be up and around in no time. I think - HOPE - that surgery is my final step of this journey. I cannot wait to be done!
It also means that I have to have this port through the summer. I can have it taken out as an "office procedure", but the doctor told me if that freaks me out - and it DOES - that she can do it during my upcoming surgeries.
I have to have a lot of cosmetic stuff done. It's certainly not a priority for me right now. I haven't looked at myself in a mirror in many months now. I have to have my breast sizes equaled out, add a nipple, and fix the area on my stomach from the transplant. He was hesitant to talk about how that would all get accomplished. He says that most people gain weight on chemo, so I would want my weight to be back to normal before he proceeds. So, at this point, if I can keep on the chemo schedule and finish by the end of June, I can schedule an appointment with the plastic surgeon maybe during August. The surgery would then take 2-3 months to schedule. I was hoping this stuff would be done before the start of a new work year. Nope. But, this surgery sounds like it won't be a long absence and I'll be up and around in no time. I think - HOPE - that surgery is my final step of this journey. I cannot wait to be done!
Monday, April 10, 2017
Rough shape
I have been mildly fighting a sinus infection for a month. It comes and goes with my white blood cell count. Since the last treatment, I've had a particularly rough time with fatigue and within hours my pink eye and upgraded sinus infection returned. Last night was the longest night ever. I couldn't lay down. I couldn't breath.
When it was finally 8:30am, I called and asked for an antibiotic and ran to get it this morning. I have not been off the couch since Friday. This is spring break and the temperature is 72 degrees. It is glorious outside and here I am. All I want is to get out into my gardens and start my spring cleaning. Not happening. I just sit here in agony watching all the stuff I wish I could do. I do hope that I wouldn't normally be in this bad of condition and it has everything to do with having this infection.
Sadly, the only things that taste "good".....and I use that term loosely......are McDonald's cheeseburgers, fries, and Coke. If you know me, you know that I haven't eaten that disgusting stuff in decades. So, my diet sucks. Which directly impacts my kids' diet. I hate that. I don't even have the strength to care.
Today, on this beautiful day, we sit inside. I'm still on the couch. The boys are watching TV and eating Pez. Yep, that's what we've been reduced to. Sad.
Seriously hoping these antibiotics kick in fast and the weekend of Easter I'm in good shape. And that my kids' brains and teeth don't rot out during the next 3 months of my chemo......
When it was finally 8:30am, I called and asked for an antibiotic and ran to get it this morning. I have not been off the couch since Friday. This is spring break and the temperature is 72 degrees. It is glorious outside and here I am. All I want is to get out into my gardens and start my spring cleaning. Not happening. I just sit here in agony watching all the stuff I wish I could do. I do hope that I wouldn't normally be in this bad of condition and it has everything to do with having this infection.
Sadly, the only things that taste "good".....and I use that term loosely......are McDonald's cheeseburgers, fries, and Coke. If you know me, you know that I haven't eaten that disgusting stuff in decades. So, my diet sucks. Which directly impacts my kids' diet. I hate that. I don't even have the strength to care.
Today, on this beautiful day, we sit inside. I'm still on the couch. The boys are watching TV and eating Pez. Yep, that's what we've been reduced to. Sad.
Seriously hoping these antibiotics kick in fast and the weekend of Easter I'm in good shape. And that my kids' brains and teeth don't rot out during the next 3 months of my chemo......
Wednesday, April 5, 2017
Chemo #2
Two of the eight are in the bag.
But, to backup a bit, it's been the best of days and the worst of days recently. These past 4-5 days have been glorious! I've been able to make it through full days, no nausea, and my taste for food is back! However, within these days I've had 2 migraines. The first, on Friday, was controllable. The second started at school late on Monday. By the time I ran to do bloodwork after school, I was in bad shape. I got home and Dave took the boys to head out to get dinner (that is how Dave "cooks" dinner!). They were gone for about a half hour and I was calling Dave begging him to take me to the Emergency Room. He raced home. Our babysitter raced here. And we booked to the ER.
I must have looked rough......or I inadvertently played the cancer card, since I was wearing a headscarf......because they raced me back for treatment with no wait. They put me in a private area, for fear of me contacting something being around sick people. I was given a brutal IV that ended up leaking drugs and blood all over. They tried pushing it further in - ugh! - which resulted in a sweet bruise on my arm which will probably have more medical people asking me "Do you feel safe in your home?" Ha. One hour, in and out, and migraine was reduced to a headache. I slept the night and was able to go to work the next day. However, they gave me this little nugget to chew on: Should I have a brain scan to make sure I don't have a tumor in my brain? I told them "no thanks" and promised I would discuss it with my oncologist.
Fast forward to Tuesday night. I went to bed with my right eye feeling slightly irritated. Thought nothing of it. Woke up in the middle of the night with BOTH eyes completed crusted shut. I could barely open my eyes, they are so swollen and ugly. Went on to my second chemo appointment, slightly fearing they would tell me I couldn't do it. She diagnosed me immediately with a RAGING case of pink eye. Prescribed eye drops. I look like hell. And I feel like hell.
The oncologist brought up the migraines since the ER report was in her computer. She also brought up the idea of a brain scan. In a tiny compartment in the back of my (hopefully tumorless) brain is the fact that my grandmother died of brain cancer. Pushing that far, far down. I declined the brain scan again today, with the promise that I will go for one if I keep getting headaches. I'm making promises to everyone lately.....
She tried to offer one last time to go with an easier chemo regiment. I declined. I made the decision. I'm doing this. Yes, it's difficult. Hopefully it will be worth it when I'm celebrating my 80th birthday. Chemo just plain sucks. There is no way to describe it. The people are wonderful. The drugs are harsh. I can taste them coursing through me and they make my heart rush. And I leave knowing that I will soon fall into the abyss of nausea and no appetite and fatigue. Which is happening now. Hello couch, my best friend.
But, to backup a bit, it's been the best of days and the worst of days recently. These past 4-5 days have been glorious! I've been able to make it through full days, no nausea, and my taste for food is back! However, within these days I've had 2 migraines. The first, on Friday, was controllable. The second started at school late on Monday. By the time I ran to do bloodwork after school, I was in bad shape. I got home and Dave took the boys to head out to get dinner (that is how Dave "cooks" dinner!). They were gone for about a half hour and I was calling Dave begging him to take me to the Emergency Room. He raced home. Our babysitter raced here. And we booked to the ER.
I must have looked rough......or I inadvertently played the cancer card, since I was wearing a headscarf......because they raced me back for treatment with no wait. They put me in a private area, for fear of me contacting something being around sick people. I was given a brutal IV that ended up leaking drugs and blood all over. They tried pushing it further in - ugh! - which resulted in a sweet bruise on my arm which will probably have more medical people asking me "Do you feel safe in your home?" Ha. One hour, in and out, and migraine was reduced to a headache. I slept the night and was able to go to work the next day. However, they gave me this little nugget to chew on: Should I have a brain scan to make sure I don't have a tumor in my brain? I told them "no thanks" and promised I would discuss it with my oncologist.
Fast forward to Tuesday night. I went to bed with my right eye feeling slightly irritated. Thought nothing of it. Woke up in the middle of the night with BOTH eyes completed crusted shut. I could barely open my eyes, they are so swollen and ugly. Went on to my second chemo appointment, slightly fearing they would tell me I couldn't do it. She diagnosed me immediately with a RAGING case of pink eye. Prescribed eye drops. I look like hell. And I feel like hell.
The oncologist brought up the migraines since the ER report was in her computer. She also brought up the idea of a brain scan. In a tiny compartment in the back of my (hopefully tumorless) brain is the fact that my grandmother died of brain cancer. Pushing that far, far down. I declined the brain scan again today, with the promise that I will go for one if I keep getting headaches. I'm making promises to everyone lately.....
She tried to offer one last time to go with an easier chemo regiment. I declined. I made the decision. I'm doing this. Yes, it's difficult. Hopefully it will be worth it when I'm celebrating my 80th birthday. Chemo just plain sucks. There is no way to describe it. The people are wonderful. The drugs are harsh. I can taste them coursing through me and they make my heart rush. And I leave knowing that I will soon fall into the abyss of nausea and no appetite and fatigue. Which is happening now. Hello couch, my best friend.
Sunday, April 2, 2017
No hair, don't care!
I've been so nervous about my hair coming out. It has been a weight hanging over me. I knew it was looming because I plucked a few eyebrows and it didn't even hurt. And my hair follicles are starting to feel sore. But, my hair held fast all weekend. I am terrified of going to school and having a clump fall out. Soooooo........I called my friend to come over today and buzz it all off. She showed up with a support group - her family. And they all kept me laughing and chatting throughout. We did it outside so there wouldn't be as much clean-up. First she had to cut all the length out of my hair. And then buzzed the rest off. It's done. There is definitely a sense of relief! The boys were excited to see my wigs so I modeled them for them. I'm not good at styling the wigs and keep putting them on crooked. So, if you see me in the next few days, remember that I'm LEARNING here!! :)
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