Chemo #2

Two of the eight are in the bag.

But, to backup a bit, it's been the best of days and the worst of days recently.  These past 4-5 days have been glorious!  I've been able to make it through full days, no nausea, and my taste for food is back!  However, within these days I've had 2 migraines.  The first, on Friday, was controllable.  The second started at school late on Monday.   By the time I ran to do bloodwork after school, I was in bad shape.  I got home and Dave took the boys to head out to get dinner (that is how Dave "cooks" dinner!).  They were gone for about a half hour and I was calling Dave begging him to take me to the Emergency Room.  He raced home. Our babysitter raced here. And we booked to the ER.

I must have looked rough......or I inadvertently played the cancer card, since I was wearing a headscarf......because they raced me back for treatment with no wait.  They put me in a private area, for fear of me contacting something being around sick people.  I was given a brutal IV that ended up leaking drugs and blood all over.  They tried pushing it further in - ugh! - which resulted in a sweet bruise on my arm which will probably have more medical people asking me "Do you feel safe in your home?"  Ha.  One hour, in and out, and migraine was reduced to a headache.  I slept the night and was able to go to work the next day.  However, they gave me this little nugget to chew on:  Should I have a brain scan to make sure I don't have a tumor in my brain?  I told them "no thanks" and promised I would discuss it with my oncologist.

Fast forward to Tuesday night.  I went to bed with my right eye feeling slightly irritated.  Thought nothing of it.  Woke up in the middle of the night with BOTH eyes completed crusted shut.  I could barely open my eyes, they are so swollen and ugly.  Went on to my second chemo appointment, slightly fearing they would tell me I couldn't do it.  She diagnosed me immediately with a RAGING case of pink eye.  Prescribed eye drops.  I look like hell.  And I feel like hell.

The oncologist brought up the migraines since the ER report was in her computer.  She also brought up the idea of a brain scan.  In a tiny compartment in the back of my (hopefully tumorless) brain is the fact that my grandmother died of brain cancer.  Pushing that far, far down.  I declined the brain scan again today, with the promise that I will go for one if I keep getting headaches.  I'm making promises to everyone lately.....

She tried to offer one last time to go with an easier chemo regiment.  I declined. I made the decision.  I'm doing this.  Yes, it's difficult.  Hopefully it will be worth it when I'm celebrating my 80th birthday.  Chemo just plain sucks.  There is no way to describe it.  The people are wonderful.  The drugs are harsh.  I can taste them coursing through me and they make my heart rush.  And I leave knowing that I will soon fall into the abyss of nausea and no appetite and fatigue.  Which is happening now.  Hello couch, my best friend.